Boobs

The Only Way to Protect Yourself From Revenge Porn is to Copyright Your Boobs

Although revenge porn is slowly becoming criminalized across the country, there are still 33 states where it’s currently legal. That means there are 33 states where the non-consensual posting of your hot n’ juicy nudes to the internet is fine and dandy, thanks to the assumption by those state’s governments that, by taking nudes in the first place, you automatically lose the right to control what happens to them. Thankfully, Colorado isn’t one of these places, but hell, we know you go to Kentucky to visit your grandma every summer and lord knows there’s nothing to do there other than sext pictures of your taint to a small army of lovers and friends.

But say one of those sexual conquests gets revengeful or hangry and posts that photo of your right buttcheek on PornHub without your consent. In most states, the only way to stop the distribution of that photo is to copyright whatever’s in it.

You gotta copyright those boobs.

… Or balls. Or curiously accommodating throat. Whatever.

As it turns out copyrighting nudes is the quickest, cheapest and sometimes only option for those looking to get them taken off the web.

In fact, that’s what one New York woman was recently forced to do to halt the unapproved distribution of her nudes.

WTKR reports:

“Hilary (a pseudonym) was in a long-distance relationship that, like many in the 21st century, involved some nude selfies and videos. And like many relationships, it came to an unhappy end. But then it got worse: her ex posted those photos online to humiliate her.

“[My ex] continually asked [me] to send photos, and it was uncomfortable at first. But I figured, ‘You’re in love so why not?’ They were very intimate,” she said. “There were a lot of topless photos, a lot in bed, I guess simulating sexual acts.”

When Hilary learned the images were public, she found she had little recourse.”

Unfortunately, Hilary didn’t live in one of the 17 states where revenge porn is a crime, so her only other option was to file a takedown notice under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. This act makes it possible to sue websites who refuse to remove images that were taken consensually for copyright infringement.

But although the act of registering a copyright isn’t difficult, doing it right is a convoluted, time-consuming process … and yes, you have to give the Copyright Office a copy of the material you want protected.

That means you hand over your nudes to Uncle Sam, which constitutes a whole other level of embarrassment depending on how you feel about doing that. But think of it this way: the govefrnment is already knee deep in your personal life, peeping your texts and spying on your internet habits and whatnot, so it’s more than likely that they’ve already seen the image in question.

Also, it really helps if you’re the one that took the photos:

“If the person that took the photograph … is the victim, then they have more rights in terms of being able to pull down that information from online,” said Elisa D’Amico, Hilary’s attorney at the firm K&L Gates. “If somebody else took the photograph, which is often the case, then it’s a little bit more tricky.”

… And thus concludes the only acceptable argument for the taking of selfies ever made.

So, just know that if your nudes and lewds fall into the wrong hands or end up on the incorrect xHamster page, you don’t have to wait for lawmakers to get off their asses before you can do something about it. Copyright your weeners and buttholes and various assorted clitori instead and file DMCAs. The process is long and laden with the red tape of bureaucracy, but if that means your future children are spared the horror of seeing photos of two baby alligators sensually clamped to your nipples, it’s kind of worth it.

Source: The Rooster

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